Ditzy after dentist
by HeroicBonnie
Summary: Ever wonder what America is like after the dentist? Well, wonder no more. Platonic AmeCan / UsCan. WARNING: America being extra weird, so be prepared. Rated T for America's mouth


**I was bored and this happened. It's short but I'm proud of it. Enjoy!**

* * *

 _"Alfred… Alfred wake up… C'mon Al…_

Alfred groaned and opened his ocean blue eyes. The first thing he sees is purple, maybe a plum colored purple but it looks more like a unicorn spit purple. Alfred giggles because how the fuck does he know what unicorn spit looks like? He's been spending to much time with caterpillar eyebrow guy.

Meanwhile, Matthew roles his unicorn spit colored eyes at his brothers random giggling. The dentist is at the sink, cleaning her tools. "How long is he gonna be like this?" Matthew asks.

"A while, the anesthesia should wear off in a few hours. Until then he's gonna be all loopy, so make sure to keep an eye on him."

Matthew nodded at the dentist's instructions and looked at his brother, who was looking at his fingers with confusion. "Oh my god, I have…. willies on my arm nub things."

Matthew scoffed at his brothers drug induced stupidity and laid his hand on Alfred's arm. "C'mon Al get up, it's time to go home."

Alfred looked up at Matt, confusion clear in his eyes. That confusion soon turned into joy. "MATTIE! YOU'RE A GIRL!"

Matthew face palmed. "No Al, I'm still a boy", he said while trying to get his brother out of the dentist chair. Alfred slowly sat up and waved his arms in a ridiculous matter. "But you have long hair, like that Frenchie who tries to molest me."

"Just because I have long hair doesn't mean I'm a girl Al."

"BUT BEYONCÉ HAS LONG HAIR AND SHE'S A GIRL!"

Everyone in the waiting room turned to look at Alfred and Matthew. Matthew blushed and quietly apologized while dragging his brother out of the building. "Inside voices Al please, and just trust me, I'm a boy."

"But…. Beyoncé s'not a boy…"

"Why are we still talking about-"

"THAT MUST MEAN I'M GAY. 'CAUSE YOU'RE A BOY WITH LONG HAIR, AND BEYONCÉ HAS LONG HAIR, AND I LOVE BEYONCÉ. MATTIE I'M GUYSEXUAL."

"It's homosexual Al, and whatever floats your boat."

"Dicks float my boat."

By now Matt has put his brother in the passenger seat of his pick-up and buckled him in. He started the car and headed down the highway. Alfred suddenly started giggling and Matthew smiled at his brothers behaviour. "What now Al?"

"My boat, y'now the one that floats, would be called", he cut himself off with laughter and waved his arm around, trying to regain his breath, "the S.S. Penis."

Alfred barked out his usual brash laughter and tears poured out of his eyes. He was heaving and holding his stomach, even Matthew was laughing because this was hilarious. His brother on drugs is the most entertaining thing he's seen in a while. "Well, I'm happy you figured that out Al."

"That yellow thing in the sky is so bright."

"Yes, it is. Don't stare at it to long."

"Is it God?"

"No Al, it's not God."

"Then what is God? Is it a food?"

"Exactly Al. It's a food."

"Ok. Tell caterpillar eyebrow guy that I want God for dinner."

Matthew snickered. "Ok Al. I'll tell Arthur you want God for dinner."

"Who the fuck is Arthur?"

"Caterpillar eyebrow guy."

"I knew a guy named Arthur. He was from a town called PBS and he had big ears and glasses. KINDA LIKE YOU MATTIE!"

"Gee thanks Al", Matthew rolled his eyes and pulled into the driveway of Alfred's Virginia home. He parked the car and opened the door, heading over to Alfred's side. "MATTIE WHERE YA GOIN'?!"

"I'm just heading over to your side Al."

He could hear Alfred singing 'Baby come back' in a loud voice and when he opened Alfred's door, he was suddenly tackled by a hysteric (still singing) Alfred. "BEYONCÉ I THOUGHT YOU DIED."

This was gonna be a long day.

* * *

 _ **The next day**_

Matthew smirked at his brother, who was pouting and holding his cheek from the pain. "So… how's the S.S. penis doing?"

"Shut up Matt."

* * *

 **A/N: This is literally the most cracky-est thing I have ever written.**

 **Remember that kids TV show from PBS, Arthur? Alfred does XD I loved that show as a kid. And, apparently, it was famous in America AND Canada. COINCIDENCE?! Probably so.** **America after the dentist is the best thing ever. That's probably how he talks all the time.**

 **Hope you enjoyed the story! Peace out eagle scouts! ~Ash xx**


End file.
